Sunday, December 27, 2009

Coming Soon: NEW ENTRIES

It's been a long 4 months and the HATE has been festering...
In the meantime, watch the official video of my comeback. If it doesn't get you pumped, nothing will.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Bumper Stickers

This summer I have been travelling alot and in my many hours on the road in Virginia and beyond I have encountered some of the most ridiculous bumper stickers I have ever seen. Here are just a few examples of what I have witnessed, in order of how much I hate that particular sticker:

10) "Support Frodo Baggins"
9) "Sodomy Smells Bad"
8) "Angostic" (Did they spell "Agnostic" wrong?)
7) One that said NOBAMA with a red, circular void sign over it (I guess double negatives don't apply to bumper stickers)
6) "Capitalism Sucks" (I wonder what paid for that car AND that sticker)
5) "Virginia is for F***ers"
4) "Ron Paul for Dictator" (ironic..?)
3) One that was shaped like a dead fetus
2) "Baby Jesus Cries When You Don't Use Your Turn Signal"
1) One that said "Gore/Lieberman 2000" was on a 2006 Honda Accord

It's not that I don't think Tibet should be free, nor is it that I hate elementary school honors students, rather, the reason I loathe these symbols of tackiness is because I am sure they contribute to more accidents than drinking, texting, and changing the radio COMBINED.

Don't believe me? The next time you are driving down the highway and you see a car littered with bumper stickers, try and not focus all of your attention on reading all of the ridiculous messages on them. With any luck you won't skid off the road or be voting for Al Gore in an election that happened six years before the car was made.
(By the way, this photo was taken in Texas by my sister, Allison)

Sunday, July 19, 2009

The Lollipop Guild

Everyone remembers watching The Wizard of Oz as a little kid. For some people, the scariest part is the tornado scene, for others it is the one with he flying monkeys. But for a third group, the scariest scene occurs at a time when no warning of impending doom is present. This scary scene is a poorly choreographed shenanigan starring the notorious trio known as...

The Lollipop Guild!

Out of nowhere three surly-looking Lilliputians appear and begin singing and dancing like a bunch of band kids at a high school dance. Even Dorothy doesn't know what to make of them. Their hair is plastered on, their clothes are made of felt, and the waistlines on their trousers are up to their nipples.
Who are these people?
Just what the hell is a lollipop guild anyway? This colony of little people is being attacked continuously by a witch to the fricking point that they are scared to even come out of hiding when they see an outsider and you are telling me that they have nothing better to do than dance around and sing about lollipops?!?! Jesus H. Christ. You know the Lollipop Guild had been rehearsing that sketch for awhile; they just didn't pop out of the woodwork and put on an impromptu jam-session. Is this where all the Munchkinland taxes went? No wonder they are extinct.

The Lollipop Guild may be gone, but its legacy lives on.

Friday, July 3, 2009

Goin' on Hiatus

I won't be updating my blog for the next two weeks (like I have really been updating it alot recently) as I attempt to find myself, the American Dream, and the meaning of life in the American Southwest...
Actually, it's a tacky family road trip I will be going on that will most likely incluide the standard pictures, visits to gift shops selling junk, and my brother falling into the Grand Canyon.

Anyway, in the mean time visit one of my personal favorite sites:


Sunday, June 28, 2009

Things Steve Loves: Billy Mays

What do you get when you combine the charm and beard of Al Borland with the entrepreneurial spirit of Donald Trump? You get Billy Mays, the father of the modern infomercial, a captain of industry, the purveyor of useless crap that sits in the garages and cabinets of millions of Americans.

Billy Mays passed away this morning in his home. The fumes from OxyClean won't be able to quell the tears of his adoring fans, nor will Mighty Putty be able to able to hold their broken hearts together.

We all have learned many lessons from this beautiful, beautiful man in his short time here on this earth. If you call in the next ten minutes you WILL get a free set of kitchen knives and sometimes in life if you wait...there is more.

But most of all, we have learned to take things little by little. Why undertake something all at once when you can do it with simple, little monthly installments (plus shipping and handeling).

You will be missed, William D. Mays, Jr. You are in a better place now, and we are stuck with that ass-clown Vince Shlomi.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Now YOU Can Be A Hater Too!

If you look on the right sidebar you will notice a new feature called "Are You A Hater Too?" Show your loyalty to Things Steve Hates by adding yourself as a Follower...all you need is a Google, Yahoo! or AIM ID. Don't worry, there aren't any updates or spam or anything; adding yourself is just something fun to do.


Also, for a limited time you can upgrade to Platinum Level for a nominal fee of $29.99 per month! This package includes a Things Steve Hates T-Shirt, an exclusive Things Steve Hates bumper sticker or coffee mug, a Steve plush toy that names the things it hates when you pull its cord, and a lunch date with Steve, your favorite blogger, at a restaurant of your choosing!

PayPal is the preferred method of payment, although you can also send Steve a check made out to CASH (which stands for "Currently A Serious Hater").

Hurry, this offer expires at midnight tomorrow!

Friday, June 19, 2009


Well I didn't even know who Brangelina were until recently, but at least Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have accomplished some stuff throughout their careers. They have starred in a number of high-grossing films and are among the top of the Hollywood "A List." Now Speidi comes along and I have just gotta ask this question:

Who the hell are these people?

Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag are NOT celebrities. They are famous for one reason, being friends with celebrities. Come to think of it, their "friends" Brody Jenner and Lauren Conrad aren't really even that famous themselves. One is the son of an Olympic athlete and the other has a show that no one over the age of 25 even knows about. But putting that all aside, the couple has been in the news alot this past week. A few days back Al Roker interviewed them about their experiences on the show I'm a Celebrity...Get Me Out of Here! and the two parties fought and blah, blah, blah...there was a controversy that spread on internet gossip blogs and Yahoo! Homepages and whatnot. But the one thing no one seemed to notice is that I'm a Celebrity and The Today Show are both on NBC!

By creating this buzz and "faking" a fight between Speidi and Roker I'm a Celebrity gets its name out there and NBC gets to cash in, as the major networks are in their summer slump when most programs are in reruns. NBC's show becomes the watercooler program of the summer and Spencer and Heidi get their names in the news so they can try to land a gig on another reality show about nothing.

It's one big conspiracy people, and Speidi is the Jack Ruby of today. Of course, most of you probably have no idea who that is because you have been watching too much reality TV.