Thursday, April 23, 2009

Facebook Stalkers

Everyone knows who they are. While you are skimming through pictures on Facebook, untagging youself from ones where you have mysterious Solo cups in your hand, you hear a "blip" noise and immediately a window pops up.

Your stalker wants to chat with you.

You desperately try to ignore it and do not respond, but your stalker keeps on typing asking "Hellloooo?" or "Anybody there?"
Some people just can't take hints.

Facebook stalkers, or Facestalkers, have taken over the social networking site. They "Like" or comment on statuses you made weeks ago, the look over random photos of you from last summer when you were at the beach, and the worst thing they do is when they TALK TO YOU ABOUT THEIR FACESTALKING!
Facestalker 1: Hey, Steven. I saw you had a fun Christmas! How was New Jersey?
Steven: It's April, dude. What the hell are you talking about?
Facestalker 1: Well I saw some photos of you on Facebook-
Steven: Yeah, from 4 months ago!
Facestalker 2: Oh, I saw those photos too. How is David doing?
Facestalker 1: Yeah, how is he?
Steven: Why do you know the name of my eight year-old cousin?
Facestalkers: Because we're Facestalkers! We know everything about you. [Their eyes spin to the back of their heads.]
It's nuts, people. Facestalkers are everywhere, soaking up every ounce of gossip and information about you. In the 1600's to know anything about anyone you had to go to some party where everyone wore ridiculous wigs. In the 1950's, you went to the salon, where you sat under a blow dryer and talked to all the neighborhood ladies who were also getting their hair done. What do people do today? Sit on Facebook and stalk people. But I digress, that's probably how half of you reading this ended up here on this blog.